You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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