So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
