i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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