margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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