i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
