his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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