I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You ate ashes out of my bong
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
