I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
