somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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