if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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