So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
