well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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