Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
