Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
