HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
