The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
