Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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