$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just pee around me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
