There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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