dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
