I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
