Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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