Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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