I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
