a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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