No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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