I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
