You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
