He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
