i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
