Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
