Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
