true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
