i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
