We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
All I want is dick and wine.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
