It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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