OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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