I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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