Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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