he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
