Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
