i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it's like heaven, but drunker
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
