i think my mom watched the whole time
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
