Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
