i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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