Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
