Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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