I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Porn is love you can see.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
