I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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