wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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