The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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