Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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