yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
