maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
