I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
