The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
